Maybe, it depends on the individuals involved. I really don't think it matters what anyone on the outside of that relationship thinks, even if you're related to them! If someone feels they know a person enough to marry them, then whose gonna make it not happen? You won't get in their way because his/her mind is made up!

In reality, it doesn't seem to be enough time, because it takes a lot longer to really know a person 'inside out'.

That's why I'm venting here, instead of at the mother-in-law. It's not really anyone's place to say anything, so I won't.

I agree that it takes a lot longer to really know a person 'inside out,' but I'm not even looking for that much knowledge.

Honestly, I think they're just jumping at marriage for the sake of the dessert of marriage, not the main course of marriage.

No!

Thanks for the quick answer, MM!

Actually, now that I think about it, she decided to marry him after only 2 1/2 months. A month of that was just talking on the phone. Bah. The wedding is happening in two weeks, and I found out about it today.

If she has only been married to 2 people, and been married 4 times, she must have married one 3 times, or both twice.  Weird.

And to answer you, she should give it longer.

One 3 times. Not for very long any of the time, I don't think it ever went 2 years, but I may be mistaken. She is weird.

I think it's too soon. I think you still haven't seen each other at your worst at three months. Whether deliberately or not, we all try to show our best selves when we first start dating someone. You have to see someone at their worst and know that you still love them to commit to spend the rest of your life with them. I think it should be a prerequisite to take care of each other when you're really sick before you can get married. Then you can see what you're getting into.

My wife rarely gets sick, so I'd still not be married. But, we did have times where we almost broke up. Heck, times when we did break up. It seems it was meant to be. But it took us a couple years tie that knot.

I think 3 months can be enough time, however probably not for someone who's been married four times (even if it was to only two men).

She's already demonstrated extremely questionable judgment in this area.

I'll give you the answer my mom told me when I was young...you should at least date a full year, go thru Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, go thru all four seasons with him before you even think of marrying. See what he's like year round I guess.


Sounded good to me at the time. I don't think a year is unreasonable.

Love is patient.......lust is in a hurry.

Gene:

Good point about the questionable decision making shown previously.

KFC:

Love that take on it. Go through all four seasons. You never know, he could always have a cold in winter and you don't want to take care of him, and can't stand the sound he makes when he sneezes, but he's sneezing every 5 seconds... okay, that's kinda shallow, but still. It can definitely lead to resentment.

Love is patient, lust is in a hurry, definitely.

little-whip:

Thank you for the personal story. I didn't know you had only been married to Simon for a few years. I'm glad you were able to get out of the first one alive. Sounds like that was a feat in itself.

Now, with a relationship with the online communication, if that communication is honest and true to who you are, and not a persona you created, then you should be all right. See, when I met my wife, she was exactly who she said she was, which was great. But I wasn't. See, I'm a lot of things online that I'm not in real life. They're in there, but I thrived in an environment that allowed me to be charming without A) having to do anything, and feeling self-concious about it. Now, I was able to be less self-concious than I would have under normal circumstances, but it's still there. And I don't really know how to get rid of it.

little-whip gets a cookie.

I thrived in an environment that allowed me to be charming without A) having to do anything, and feeling self-concious about it.

I know what you mean. I'm much more reserved in person than I am online. I used to be so charming and witty online that I'd attract women, then be so shy and insecure offline that I repelled them.

I actually do get that charming and witty again after getting to know someone, but no-one wanted to stick around long enough to cross that bridge. Which is all for the best, of course.


(Actually, come to think of it, I've had that happen in totally real world environments as well, where women would be attracted to me after seeing me around other people, then I'd throttle it back around them. Still, if anything real were there, they could have waited for me to get comfortable with them and throttle it back up. Completely their loss. )

Luckily, my wife (then girlfriend) had moved across a timezone to be with me, so she pretty much was committed to at least give it a go.

I find, the more people in the group I'm in, the less likely it is expected that I will say anything, and the more likely it is I will have a witty remark based on something someone else said. Therefore, that's when I'm at my best - I don't have to say a lot (I'm shy) and when I do it's usually a hit.

Based on my experience, and obviously that of many others on here, you really can't judge. It totally depends on the people. Some of my parents closest friends met and married in a month and they have been married for 30+ years.

I only have one marriage to base my experience on but I think the survival of marriage depends as much, if not more, on the commitment of the two people throughout the marriage than how well they know each other before.

I just don't want to be posting a similarly titled article based on the length of the marriage.